Calming the Storm

April 4, 2026,

Hey bestie,

I woke up early and the storm of anxiety at the unknown wouldn’t let me catch the last train back to dreamland so I lit a candle and I’m sitting here on the floor of my closet calming the twinges of “what ifs” in my stomach.

I don’t need “what ifs”. Not because they’re not important but because my brain finds those instantly. It’s easy and fast to point out all the ways things could go so wrong especially with all the knowledge of things going wrong that I have.

I shouldn’t be wondering when the other shoe is going to drop but that’s a strong pattern in life that has only been disturbed in the last few years.

Now I have so much I love and so much peace that the thought of losing it is what keeps me awake.

When it gets bad I think about that scene in Pinocchio where he wishes on a star. “Anything your heart desires will come to you.” And so I sat in that CPS building the same way I sit today under the stars wishing for things to hold onto this feeling of love, safety, peace, and calm a little longer.

The next right step will always reveal itself in time. I just have to remind myself to be patient and keep putting in my steps. Guess it’s a good thing my name is Patience.

With gratitude,

Patience